when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
