Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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