The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
