they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
