My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
