I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
