remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
