This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
