u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
