No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
