omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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