She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm too high and old for this...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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