I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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