Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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