Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
