we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
