he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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