i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
