Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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