so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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