Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
