I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
