don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
