how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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