I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She bit a glass in half.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
