butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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