Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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