When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize