We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize