well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
