you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
