I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
