it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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