I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
