i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
