In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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