So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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