Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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