I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
