if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
