i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
