Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
