I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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