You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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