508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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