no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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