I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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