I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize