my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
