paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
