I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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