i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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