Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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