I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize