I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
