He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
