I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
