I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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