Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You made out with two different species that night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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