ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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