you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
