sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
