I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
