i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
