never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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