I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
