Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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